For many, reunions can be frightening emotionally. This fear is normal …. It is really the fear of the unknown…what will be found….and how will it affect me? Below are some of the possible fears that mothers and their sons/daughters may have when contemplating reunion:
POSSIBLE FEARS FOR ADOPTED PERSONS
1. That they will find their mother is deceased
2. That they will be rejected.
3. That their adoptive parents will be hurt and not understand their reasons for searching
4. That they are a secret and their mother will not acknowledge their existence to herself or her family
5. That they will not meet the expectations of their mother.
6. That their natural family will be needy or want something from them
7. That their mother will not be truthful with them
8. That their mother will not understand their life problems
9. That the timing of the contact may not be right
10. That they will find out negative things about their conception, birth and surrender
11. That they will have to give up their fantasies about their mother.
POSSIBLE FEARS FOR NATURAL PARENTS
1. That their child has not been told he/she is adopted
2. That their child is deceased
3. That they will be rejected by their child
4. That reunion will open the trauma of the past and that it will be unbearable
5. That their child will not understand the trauma they suffered
7. That their child will not love them
8. That their child has been abused or hurt
9. That their child has suffered health problems
10. That their child will think they were unwanted or unloved
11. That their child will be angry and resentful toward them not understanding the truths of surrender
12. Fear of telling “the secret”
13. That their child will judge them
14. That their child will meet them but will not want an ongoing relationship with them.
15. That their child’s adoptive parents will always come first and that she will always be second