The Myth of Open Adoption

WHAT IS OPEN ADOPTION? YOU MAY BE SURPRISED….

OPEN ADOPTION is an adoption in which the identities of all the parties are known to each other.

In other words it is an adoption where the mother is aware of the names of the adopters, and vice versa.

Open Adoption DOES NOT mean CONTACT.

Here is a sample from an Ontario Adoption Agency website:

“In an open adoption a woman who is considering adoption can choose the family she wants to raise her child from our list of approved families. She may wish to meet with the family and perhaps arrange for ongoing contact with them. Open adoption also means that there will be a complete exchange of identifying information.”

Open adoption also means? No, open adoption means that there will be a complete exchange of identifying information. Period.

This is completely misleading to young vulnerable pregnant women.

YOU SHOULD KNOW that whatever you have been told, or whatever promises were made to you in Covenant Agreements or Entrustment Ceremonies or any other type of ceremony done before birth to ensure that you relinquish your child, ONCE AN ADOPTION IS FINAL, THE ADOPTIVE PARENTS HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL AND ALL RIGHTS TO YOUR CHILD. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS WHATSOEVER, AND ANY VERBAL OR WRITTEN AGREEMENTS MADE WITH YOU ARE NOT BINDING TO THE ADOPTERS.

The internet is full of crying girls telling us “but they told me it was open”, “but they told me they would send pictures” etc. etc.

Think of watching your child grow up and learning to say “Ma Ma” to someone else. This is cruel and unusual punishment for a mother. This is not something you want to choose, and it is not something you are choosing. Adoption Agencies will make you think you are in control and making all the choices until the Consent to Adoption is signed. They will make it all sound so wonderful and easy for you.

It is not. Many mothers shrink away after a year or two as they cannot stand the pain of watching their child grow up this way. This is construed as the mother “not caring”, and this is how the child internalizes it as they do not understand.

Conversely, those mothers who have “bought in” to the plan, cannot admit that it was a mistake, and live their lives on the edge of another family who has her child.

Either way, it is a psychological nightmare for any mother which lasts a lifetime, and not one you want to try.