Script for “Cold Calls”

Start the phonecall with:

“Hi!……..My name is X and I’m wondering if you or anyone in your family knows of the name “Y”? I’m trying to locate this person for an urgent personal message.”

If a relative answers who may not know about the pregnancy, say:

“Wonderful, I have an urgent personal message for “Y”.” and ask them to take your number or mailing address so “Y” can return the call or write. You can also inquire if they can give you “Y”s phone number

Of course most people have answering machines so leave this message on the machine:

“Hi!……..My name is X and I’m wondering if you or anyone in your family knows of the name “Y”. I’m trying to locate this person for an urgent personal message. My phone number is _______”

But if the correct person (”Y”) answers then ask if the date-of-birth (of adoptee) is of any significance to them & if a positive response then calmly say “O……K” in a long caring way and confirm who you are and that you know that this must be a surprise. and give them lots of support. Assure them that this reunion can go as fast or as slow as they feel comfortable with.

NOTES:

If you are phoning an adoptee on behalf of a mother, first get the information from their mother about the circumstances of the surrender. 99 times out of 100, she wanted to keep her baby. If so, then you can reassure the adoptee that his/her mother always loved him/her and wanted to keep them.

If you are phoning a mother on behalf of an adoptee, reassure her that there is support and that you know that reminders of the loss of her child can be traumatic. Tell her that she can talk to you about this whenever she wants, and maybe find a support group for her as well.

(Remember: delayed-onset PTSD is very common, and sensitivity and caring can help her. The best predictor of recovery from PTSD is good social support in a woman’s life. Also reassure her that most adoptees search.)

But also make certain that the adoptee knows first of how mothers were forced to surrender babies (i.e. books like “The Girls Who Went Away,” the www.exiledmothers.com site, the www.babyscoopera.com site, etc.). Adoptee rejection and anger at the mother has to be dealt with first before any reunion can take place, or else the reunion is doomed from the start.