Dear Alisha,
There are several problems
with this argument about adoption vs. abortion. All Americans
who care about children and want the best for them should
think about this carefully.
There is never really
a choice between adoption and abortion.
First, there is the option
for a woman to abort a pregnancy rather than to give birth.
Then later after her child is born, there is the option
for her to terminate all parental rights.
The choice whether to
surrender all parental rights should never be made until
after her child is born and she has had the opportunity
to care for her newborn son or daughter. That is not only
because of the life-long problems known to result from
separating them, but also because she cannot really comprehend
what it will be like to be separated from her own child,
what it will be like to be prevented from caring for the
wrinkly alien-looking being she finds the most beautiful
of all of it's kind in the world, until after that child
is born.
Adoption is not better
than abortion because by the time a mother's (and father's)
child is born the choice is not adoption vs abortion but
whether to keep and nurture her already born son or daughter
or to abandon him/her legally so some other person may
adopt.
Children are not well
served by adoption, which provides them a divorce-like
situation where they are torn between their natural families
and the people adopting them. They are better off without
this divorce-like situation if possible.
Pregnant mothers are being
encouraged to "choose" adoption before their
children are born and even to choose prospective adopters.
It makes it very hard for a mother to disappoint the seemingly
kind people later when she realizes she loves her child
more than anything in the world and want to keep him/her.
The people served by this are those hoping to adopt an
infant and those who profit from adoption. The mother
and child are not well served by it. Those children who
truly need a home are not served by it, either.
According to statistics
compiled on Adoption.com, the mothers whose children are
adopted-out "often come from higher socioeconomic
backgrounds. These women come from intact families...."
(Stolley, 1993). These mothers tend to be in college or
college bound, responsible women who want to do what is
truly best for their child. Unfortunately they are uninformed,
misinformed and have no moral support from anyone due
to the mistaken belief that they will soon get over the
loss of their child and that their child will not know
"the difference".
Babies are not saved from
abortion when they are adopted because no child is ever
adopted until after it is born. A pregnant woman might
be best served by telling her that instead of abortion
she will have the option to be supported in keeping her
child (moral support, financial support from the child's
father, parenting classes for both mother and father,
young parents groups, and government assistance if necessary).
If she does find after her child is born that she really
does not want her child, she will still have the option
to surrender all parental rights.
Despite the obvious that
neither abortion nor adoption is ideal, unmarried mothers
are frequently still unsupported (morally and otherwise)
in keeping their children. Fathers are being told they
can be replaced by any role-model, that their child will
actually be better off without them, and so they are not
encouraged to support and nurture their children.
A lack of support for
unmarried mothers leads to a greater number of abortions.
Statistics show that in the years following Roe v. Wade,
as more mothers were supported in keeping their children
rather than being forced to surrender them for adoption,
the number of abortions dropped off.
Because of the misperception
that they were unwanted and would have been aborted, some
adoptees have been known to say they consider themselves
a "nine-month abortion." This is worse than
unfortunate: I cannot imagine what it would be like to
feel so unwanted by the very person who more than anyone
in the world was supposed to be there for you.
I hope that decent, caring
people everywhere, whether they have adopted a child or
not, whether they are pro-choice or pro-life, will begin
to encourage all natural mothers and adoptees to tell
their stories and provide insight into what can be improved
about the treatment they have been given. I hope the media
will ignore the guidelines given by the adoption industry
for "positive adoption language" which restricts
freedom of speech in the area of adoption. More than anything,
I hope that churches, human rights organizations and women's
groups will stand up for the rights of mothers and fathers
to keep their own child.
Those mothers and fathers
who are making a decision whether to keep their child
or surrender their child for adoption deserve legal protections
which include real information about the emotional risks
to themselves, their child and other family members. They
deserve to be protected from slick advertising and sales
pitches from those seeking to adopt independently, from
the adoption industry and from adoption lawyers. They
deserve to be protected from the pressure put on them
to choose prospective adopters before their child is even
born which makes it very hard for them to disappoint them
later.
Alisha, this would make
a good school speech because it provides an insight that
many people have not considered.
Good luck to you.
Laurie Frisch
